If you are 30, African, Female and are single…like me. Then according to the African society, we are failures. Despite what you achieve or fail to accomplish, the ‘when are you going to introduce us to your boyfriend’ question is going to always come up. In fact, you will not hear the end of it till you bring someone through that door.
The whispers and lowkey shade, goodness me! I was never ready. Truthfully its not even my family that comes at me with those questions, they know better than that. Its everyone else around and in my head i’m just like, ‘how is it your business though?’ I was in my feels the other day when some weird neighbour made a stupid comment about how I should just find a decent guy to have a child with???? Confused huh? Yea me too!
This kinda pressure is the reason why a lot of girls have settled. They are with spouses who treat them bad simply because of societal pressure or to avoid the judgement by this aunty or the other.
I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine who is also very single and past the age of thirty. She was narrating a story of how one of her aunties came over to her house for an ‘intervention’. They had to go with her ‘kumapostori’ (A group of white garment wearing churches, whose leaders are deemed to have supernatural and prophetic powers).
According to my friend’s aunt, someone had bewitched her and they need to seek spiritual guidance for her. It is unheard of for a woman of age to not be in a relationship that is solid. I was laughing my heart out when she was telling me all this but after a while, I was sincerely saddened. I shared my own experiences with her and it is heartbreaking to know that a man or a marriage is a measure used to determine a woman’s significance in society.
I would love to get married and have an amazing family but until that happens in my life, I refuse to be labelled a failure. I thought long and hard about all the girls who are moving around seeking validation by any means necessary all because of these ugly expectations society has placed on us.
In a world that demands that we be married to have an opinion, I’m airing my views anyway. I am comfortable with myself and my journey. I will not settle because people say my clock is ticking. I am making the best of my life now because I know for a fact that life does not start after marriage. Let’s stop pushing people into settling. Applaud single women for their accomplishments, encourage them to enjoy life. Marriage will happen when it is meant for it to happen in one’s life. Our creator has different plans for each of us so let people walk on their own journies without your unsolicited comments and expectations.
Dear single African sister, you are beautiful and so is your journey…. #silencetheshame
My name is Nyaree and Tribe Called Her was birthed from the desire I had to see more African women winning and applauding each other. I hope we all become the women we were set out to be, inspire and empower each other along the way. I live by the mantra that ‘You can sit with us’